The Velvet Underground responds to Lou Reed’s iPhone app

In one of the more unexpected recent collisions of art and technology, Lou Reed has released Lou Zoom, an iPhone application that allows readers to zoom in on text and refine contact searches on their mobile phones. Not to be outdone, some of Lou’s former Velvet Underground associates have announced plans to follow suit. Here’s a brief look at what mobile users can expect.

Cale Tales by John Cale
Automatically inserts oblique historical references into any document. (Warning: May not be compatible with all versions of Lou Zoom.)

Sterling Silver by Sterling Morrison
Runs in the background, coordinates other apps for a more satisfying user experience.

Mo Go by Maureen Tucker
Reliable, deceptively simple app speeds up and slows down processes as the situation demands.

Yule Tool by Doug Yule
Budget edition of Lou Zoom performs decently for a brief spell, then mysteriously disappears from your desktop.

Yule 2L by Billy Yule
Mo Go knock-off suffers the same deficiencies as its sibling app.

Nico Speak by Nico
Converts standard text into illegible Teutonic fonts and adds noisy, impenetrable backgrounds to every screen.

The App Factory by Andy Warhol
Automatic app generator creates dozens of niche applications every day. (Warning: Most of these mini-apps amount to little more than desktop clutter.)